Dementia and What’s Important: How to Maintain Attachments

What is  important to those with dementia?  According to Bob DeMarco, caregiver for his mother diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and founder of the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, the answer is “to help keep them attached to their world and surroundings.”

Lady-Links visits are structured to help our dear friends maintain important attachments in their lives.  That’s why each dear friend (that’s what we call our friends with dementia) is engaged in activities, carefully chosen because they are meaningful to her, rather than just following a list of general activities suggested for those with dementia.  For example, one dear friend loves to play Scrabble and has done so since childhood.  However, today she is unable to organize Scrabble parties like she once did so we do that for her.  She can assemble the words with great skill which delights us all, but she needs prompting with keeping the game going, knowing whose turn it is and how many tiles to draw from the bag.  We can do that unobtrusively, making for an enjoyable experience for her and us as well. For this dear friend, her love (her world) is Scrabble and we help her maintain that attachment.

This “attachment to their world and surroundings” according to DeMarco is necessary for us to maintain for them because those with dementia “can’t sort things out for themselves.”  As a result, it’s up to family, friends and caregivers to reassure and guide them with things and activities familiar as well as meaningful to them.  Baking cookies is another example of how Lady-Links helped a dear friend enjoy an experience she once could do by herself and no longer can.

Making cookies to share

Lady-Links know how important the concept of being in the midst of their world and surroundings is to those with dementia, so we meet  in the apartments of our dear friends.  We brought all the ingredients for the cookies to our dear friend’s apartment so she could have a cooking experience in her own surroundings.

Another dear friend enjoys playing her piano which she has had since her early days of marriage.  We visit her weekly, accompanying her with singing and striking her set of hand chimes while she plays favorite songs from yellowed sheets of music she has carefully maintained for years and years. Music was “her world” and we are helping her keep it that way.

Although still quite capable on the piano, she needs help in distributing the music and matching it to each hand chime.  She would be unable to collect and repackage all the equipment and supplies without us.  We manage this for her, without calling attention to our efforts.

Friends enjoying coffee.

When Lady-Links help those with dementia maintain their attachments by selecting activities that are familiar and meaningful to them and engaging them in those activities in their own apartment, we see our dear friends improve in their feelings of self-worth.  Bob DeMarko describes it as “bringing a sense of relief to everyone concerned.”  He goes on to conclude in his post at www.alzheimersreadingroom.com, “You’ll learn that persons living with dementia are wonderful in their own way.”  We couldn’t agree more!