Dementia and Birthdays: Tips for Celebrating

Our friend with Alzheimer’s dementia was about to have a birthday, and we knew we could plan an awesome celebration for her based on the success of the one we gave her last year.  We decided to use the same “Simple yet Significant” stratigies because they worked so well.  Such a strategy keeps us focused on our friend’s needs and gives us a starting point for our planning. All birthday parties need food, activities, gifts, and friends to make it a real celebration. However, for a person with dementia, each of those elements needs to be modified so that he or she can enjoy and engage in the event.  After all, it is for them!  Here’s how we did it:

Tips to Make It Simple 

Guests:  Choose a limited number of friends and family who are knowledgeable about dementia and who have a supportive relationship with the birthday person. They should be encouraging, kind, compassionate, patient,  and know how to bridge communication gaps with smiles and flexibility.  They should be ones who feel at ease with your loved one or friend and who have an ongoing established relationship with that person. This is not the time to introduce new acquaintances. Guests should have the understanding that those with dementia have worth and value,  and are to be treated with dignity and respect.

Games:  Choose activities in which the person with dementia can participate and enjoy.  Keep the person’s skills and abilities in mind by selecting games in which he or she can be easily and successfully engaged. Favorite games that have been a part of the person’s routine prior to the birthday party are always good choices.  Some favorite games and activities are easily modified to include a birthday theme with simple changes such as with color or design.  For example, if you do a balloon toss, consider using a balloon with a birthday message.  If you do a painting activity at the party, consider painting birthday themed objects.  If you play Bingo, consider using a birthday themed set.

Gifts:  Choose to limit what guests can bring and communicate that well in advance of the party.  If guests are to bring presents, a gift list of things that the person with dementia will recognize and can use would be very helpful.  Decide whether presents should be wrapped or unwrapped.  Sometimes the birthday person is in need of a specific major item and the guests can give toward that item prior to the party.  That item can be displayed, wrapped or unwrapped, with a group card attached and presented at the appropriate time.   Sometimes bringing a birthday card rather than a gift is the best choice.  Each card can be opened at the party by a hostess who reads a few lines from the card, acknowledges the sender, and then gives it to the birthday person to place in a box or basket to keep.

Tips to Make It Significant

Favorites:  Choose theirs, not yours. Their favorite things should be included rather than what is typical or traditional and should be reflected in all the party involves.

Familiarity:   Choose a setting or location, as well as games and guests, that they know so they won’t be distracted by something unusual or unfamiliar. Trying something new or being surprised in a group setting may cause inappropriate behavior, anxiety, or withdrawal.

Feelings:  Choose what is fun for them and will make them feel comfortable  They should feel at ease with all that takes place.  Provide opportunities for plenty of love and laughter in ways that they can understand. Be flexible and have several alternatives.

 

How we applied these tips at the recent birthday party we gave for our friend with Alzheimer’s dementia:

 

Guests

We have 24 trained Lady-Links, but we all agreed that 24 would be an overwhelming number, so we asked for 11 volunteers to come plus her husband and her son. She recognized each one of her Lady-Link friends since we visit her twice a week in groups of two or three, and have been for over a year.    She was very at ease and interacted with great enthusiasm.

 

Games

The first game we played was a modification from the Bingo Game we made for her birthday last year.  However, in a year’s time, she is not as interested in Bingo as she once was.  Rather than pack away the game, we put it to good use by distributing one of the Bingo caller’s cards to each person. Each card was a clip art version of one of her favorite things.

As this year’s hostess pointed to one of the cards, such as a picture of a cup of coffee, she asked, “Is coffee your favorite thing?”  Everyone who was a coffee drinker raised his or her hand.  Then the hostess had to narrow the field by asking additional questions based on her knowledge of our friend and her habits.  For example, the hostess said, “Is drinking coffee black your favorite thing?”  That narrowed it even more.  Then the hostess said, “Is having your friends over twice a week to visit you and drink coffee your favorite thing?”  Of course, our friend’s hand was the only one left up.

As the game continued, we would sometimes need to prompt our friend to hold her hand up.  There were 12 catorgies with questions (favorite food, favorite music, favorite ways to spend time, etc.) all based on her favorite things.  Every time she “won” the category she was given the card with the picture on it that represented the category.  The “winner” at the end of the game was the one who had the most cards.  Of course, she did, and the prize was a chocolate bar (one of her favorite things.)

Our friend loves music, especially that of Perry Como.  We played one of his CDs and repeated what we do at many of our Lady-Link visits…we played balloon toss and danced.

Her son joined in the fun!  We told him that we knew where he got his dancing skills….from his mom!  She really is a great dancer.

Gifts

We determined that actual presents could be confusing and require too much time to open and admire, so we asked each Lady-Link to bring a birthday card which was opened and read aloud (just the main message, not word for word) by the Lady-Link Hostess. As the hostess read the main part of each card and the sender’s name, it was passed to our friend and, after a momentary glance, her son helped her put it in a basket to keep.

Favorites

Chocolate is her favorite, so of course the cake and icing were both chocolate!

 

Coffe is her favorite drink, and it was graciously served by her husband.

 Familiarity

The party was held in her home so she would feel comfortable in her surroundings.  If her home were not available, I would have chosen a place that she was familiar with and would feel secure in so that she would feel at ease.  Plus I would have chosen one that would not have interruptions or people who were not connected to our group.

Feelings

We kept the entire celebration to less than one hour and provided plenty of opportunities for fun.  There were no speeches, nor putting her on the spot by expecting her to respond publically to any of the activities, such as when we read the cards we did not stop and wait for the typical “thank you” response. She is unable to respond at that level and we would never, never call attention to that. We provided plenty of opportunities for her to enjoy without any type of pressure or stress.   Her family appreciated our efforts to make this a party in which she was fully engaged, filled with joy, and made to feel appreciated, valued, and loved.

Celebrating birthdays of  those with dementia can provide opportunities to enrich their lives and yours.  Just remember to keep it “Simple yet Significant” and you’ll have success!

How do you celebrate birthdays with your friend or loved one who has dementia?