The Alzheimer’s Association recently organized a car parade for our retirement community.  With masks on and using social distancing, the Lady-Links and other residents cheered and clapped for the vehicles bringing awareness to the need for a cure for Alzheimer’s and other related types of dementia.  The “Honk 4 Hope” theme is a positive message that we all support. We know that a cure will be found!

Part of the process of becoming a Lady-Link is to go through a number of training sessions, several of which focus on education about Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia.  The Alzheimer’s Association is an excellent source for information we use in those sessions.  In addition, the seminars they bring to our campus provide valuable insights regarding communication and activities with our dear friends.

Our community has a great relationship with our local Alzheimer’s Association, and we host a walk on our campus each fall to raise awareness and funds for this group.  As Lady-Links, we have been active in the walks in the past.

The Lady-Links know that there is Hope…Hope for a better tomorrow, Hope for effective treatments, and Hope  for a cure!  In the meantime, we will look for opportunities to spread hope with plenty of love and laughter to our dear friends whenever and however we can.

Lady-Links began in 2013 with one idea…how to help a woman in our retirement community diagnosed with Alzheimer’s enjoy the company of a few friends on a regular basis, engaging in activities that she enjoyed and could successfully complete.  Two things had to be in place for this idea to be workable:

• Commitment – Find women who would make a commitment to visiting her (this involved training to learn about Alzheimer’s).
• Connections – Find a way to connect with her.

We found several women who were willing to make that commitment and after a few training sessions, we were set to begin our visits.  We found that our best approach to making a connection with her was over two things her husband told us she really enjoyed…coffee and chocolate!

Soon we found other ways to connect…she loves elephants…so we worked on crafts with an elephant theme.

Then we found something else she enjoyed….dancing.

And music.

And more chocolate!

In fact, the more we got to know her, the more ways we could connect.

Our start as Lady-Links came because of her husband’s concern expressed to me in a conversation after a Bible Study that we attended. He explained that his wife was unable to reach out and make friends in this new community where they recently moved.  She needed some help. That concern stayed in my mind for three days.  On the third day, during a devotional and prayer time, I felt the Lord assuring me that I could help her make some friendship connections.  I contacted several caring and loving women in our community to ask if they would like to form a friendship group with this new resident who had a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s.  Thankfully, they said “yes” and after some planning sessions and training, Lady-Links came into existence.

We called ourselves Lady-Links because we were ladies helping her to “link” to important aspects of her life…intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual areas…that are certain to decline with a progressive, neurological disease like Alzheimer’s. Our dear friend was reserved during our first few visits, but soon “linked” to us as friends, and subsequent visits were filled with plenty of love and laughter.  Our visits were fun and we all enjoyed them!

People in our retirement community were quick to notice a change in our dear friend.  After we began our visits, she became much more outgoing…making eye contact, engaging in conversation, and expressing interest in things around her even when out and about in our community.  Soon other husbands of wives with cognitive decline began asking that we visit their wives as well.

At that point, we had grown to thirteen Lady-Links visiting our one dear friend. We knew that our methods worked and that the idea for the foundation of Lady-Links was successful.  We seemed to have some unique procedures:

• making visits to one dear friend at a time (not working with a group)
• engaging her in specific things of interest to her (finding out what she liked and enjoyed prior to her diagnosis…not just choosing any activity that any Alzheimer’s patient could do)
• visiting her in her apartment where she felt secure (not in a common activities area)
• identifying with her as friends who want to have fun (we are not teachers, caregivers or social workers)
• training and preparing for our visits (all Lady-Links have extensive training that helps in communication and expectations).

To explain our Lady-Links program to others, we didn’t want to use the name of the resident we were visiting so we called her our “dear friend.”  That has remained as an important part of our procedure when speaking in public or writing about Lady-Links…the ladies we visit are referred to as dear friends.  The ladies doing the visiting are Lady-Links.

 

Since our beginning, we have visited numerous dear friends and our group has grown to include 53 Lady-Links.

We will always remember our first dear friend and are thankful that our visits brought so much joy, both to her and to us.  We had a great beginning and look forward to continuing to bring love and laughter into the lives of many more dear friends in the future.

Making crafts is a great way to connect to our dear friends, those ladies in our community we visit who have various types of dementia or cognitive decline.  As Lady-Links, we look for activities that our dear friends enjoy and in which they can effectively participate.  Crafts serve both purposes.  We choose crafts that are colorful, cheerful and easy to assemble.  As a result, our craft visits are some of the most successful ways we’ve found to engage our dear friends and to keep them connected to a common purpose…having fun while making a finished product.

Tips for a Successful Craft Visit:

• Choose crafts that are “peel and stick” rather than choosing ones that require glue.
• Choose crafts that have large pieces which are easy to manage and handle.
• Choose crafts that have a theme which will inspire conversation, such as a patriotic theme or a seasonal or holiday theme.

We hope you will enjoy scrolling below to see pictures from some of our craft visits and that you’ll be inspired to consider using crafts to engage your friend or loved one in a similar way.

Connections through Crafts….seasoned with plenty of love and laughter…make for wonderful times and wonderful memories.

Hello!  Just called to say I’m thinking about you.

When we look for character qualities in women who would make good Lady-Links, we want to find examples of compassion and kindness in their lives.  Since our purpose is to visit women in our retirement community who are in various stages of dementia and engage them in activities they enjoy and can successfully complete, Lady-Links have to be more than just compassionate and kind.  Lady-Links have to be flexible, friendly, and know how to have fun.  At the same time, they have to be accomplished at making adjustments when needed.  In other words, Lady-Links are capable, strong women with a servant’s heart.  They want to be helpful regardless of the circumstances.  Such is the case while we are facing the COVID-19 restrictions.  We are unable to make in-person visits to our dear friends at the present time, but that hasn’t stopped our Lady-Links from keeping connected to them through cards and notes as well as reaching out to help others in our community whenever a need arises.

So……instead of focusing on what we didn’t have or couldn’t do….we used our skills and resources to help where we could.

Our community organized a Comfort Care Calling Tree to make encouraging phone calls to those neighbors who would benefit from hearing a friendly voice during this time of Shelter in Home restrictions.  Many of our Lady-Links were quick to volunteer.

These phone calls are cheerful and positive, and a great encouragement during this time of uncertainty.  Comforting calls provide a sense of togetherness and care, and our Lady-Links are naturals at doing this.

A need for masks became apparent in our community, and our Lady-Links were counted among those who volunteered to sew them.  This required hours of work, at a rushed pace, since the need was urgent and great.

Keeping an attitude of “knowing how to have joy despite the circumstances” our Lady-Links introduced fabrics with special messages such as “Over Fifty and Fabulous” on a portion of the masks.  Others had a patriotic theme or were colorful and cheerful.

The Lady-Links looked at this “extra” time while confined to our apartments as an opportunity rather than a problem.  Extra time was seen as a “gift” to get something new done.  One of our Lady-Links used skeins of yarn she had for several years just sitting in a closet to crochet headbands that will be given to those in need this winter.  She reached out to a non-profit organization in our local area that serves the poor and homeless communities who will distribute these much needed headbands when cold weather arrives. What a wonderful way to use her time, resources and skills.

Other Lady-Links are using the “extra” time to work on family projects, creating meaningful memories that will be treasured for years to come.  An example is this quilt one of our Lady-Links is making for her granddaughters, with the Night Before Christmas theme.  Each square has between 40,000 to 55,000 machine stitches per square. What a labor of love.

Another Lady-Link is making computer-generated photo books from pictures that have been in her phone for years.  A gift that her entire family will enjoy.

Many Lady-Links wanted to show appreciation to the employees in our retirement community who have taken on extra responsibilities such as meal and mail delivery to our apartments.  One Lady-Link created this lovely banner to hang above her door.  Others displayed hearts on their doors inscribed with thank you messages so they could be easily seen by any staff members making deliveries or doing the extra cleaning and sanitizing that is done daily.

Another Lady-Link is sharing the zinnias from her garden, telling her neighbors to help themselves.  If they are unable to venture out to the garden area, she will make a bouquet and deliver, maintaining social distancing, knowing how fresh flowers bring such joy in difficult times.

The neighbor of one of our Lady-Links passed away.  Since we were under our governor’s order of not leaving home, that Lady-Link realized that many people would like to send a sympathy card but were restricted from going to the store to buy one.  She organized a bulletin board giving her neighbors an opportunity to write notes of sympathy and attach them there.  She placed that bulletin board in the hallway where it could be easily seen when the spouse who lost his wife opened his door.  What a great neighborly effort that showed kindness and compassion when needed, and it was a practical solution for those who didn’t have sympathy cards and were unable to get them.

Since our Lady-Links in-person visits were suspended due to COVID-19, each Lady-Link is sending a cheerful note or card to her dear friend each week.  In addition, an occasional note is sent to husbands of our dear friends expressing appreciation for their ongoing dedication to caregiving during this time of no visitors and restricted activities.  This has prompted many Lady-Links to write notes of encouragement to others in our community who need a cheerfully written message.

Lady-Links know that to take care of others, we must also take care of ourselves.  When talking with the Lady-Links by phone or with texts or emails during this time of Shelter at Home, we agreed that having a routine, doing things we enjoy, using our creative side, and keeping cognitively alert was important.  Here’s how some of the Lady-Links are using their time to stay active mentally, physically, and emotionally at home.

 

The Lady-Links are ready to answer the call ….why?…..because we care.

We care about you, we care about our families, we care about our neighbors and our community, and we care about ourselves.

Do you wish that you could take a step back from the busyness of your life and take a few moments to reflect on what’s important to you?  Why don’t you find a peaceful spot, whether in reality or in your mind, and think about your priorities?   This COVID-19 season has given the Lady-Links opportunity to do just that.  We’ve each found a quiet time and a quiet spot to think about our dear friends, and how to handle this time of not being able to visit them.  We live in a retirement community under a Shelter in Place situation that restricts in-person visits to our dear friends.  As a result, we are taking time to remember, reflect on, and appreciate the relationships we’ve established with the sweet ladies in various stages of cognitive decline we call dear friends.  We’re taking time to slow down,  find a quiet spot, and reflect on how to continue our priority of bringing love and laughter into the lives of our dear friends without an actual visit.  This time of reflection and quiet contemplation has been good.

Most of all, we want to keep connected to our dear friends.  Collectively, we’ve decided that the best thing we can do during this time is to keep connected by sending cards or notes.  We are careful what we write to our dear friends, keeping our messages upbeat and positive.  We don’t mention COVID-19 because that’s not our responsibility to try to explain what’s happening. That would probably cause confusion or even anxiety.  We are simply friends connecting with friends, and since we can’t visit them, a short, cheerful card or note helps bring a measure of  joy into their lives.

Husbands and caregivers of our dear friends tell us that our dear friends treasure our cards, holding them and looking at them frequently.  They know that “a friend” sent the card to them and, although some can’t read the message, they enjoy having the card itself.

Each Lady-Link chooses what type of card she wants to send her dear friend, and most are choosing ones with bright colors and designs. Some are homemade, but most are store-bought.   All have a short cheerful message.  Some of our favorites are:

• Have a Great Day
• Sending Hugs and Smiles Your Way
• Thinking of You
• Wishing You a Beautiful Day
• You’re in my Thoughts
• Just Saying Hi
• Hello Sweet Friend

The husbands of our dear friends need our encouragement too, and we want them to know that we recognize their strength, courage, and dedication as caregivers during this time when they’re probably shouldering this responsibility alone. So we are sending separate cards to the husbands that hopefully will brighten their day.  Sometimes just a kind word can make all the difference in the world to a caregiver.

If you know of a loved one or a friend who has cognitive difficulties, why not send them a cheerful card?  And, while you’re at it, send one to their caregiver as well.  It could be that you’ll provide just what’s needed to get them through a difficult time.

 

 

 

 

 

We’re still in the storm brought on by the coronavirus, and our Lady-Links visits to our dear friends continue to be on hold. But we know that in the midst of this “storm” we can find flowers that bloom, birds that sing, and gorgeous sunsets that give us the assurance that we’ll get through all this. Life will go on.

During this “holding” pattern,  we continue to reach out to our dear friends through their families as well as to our Lady-Links partners and others in our community.  As a result, we’ve received phone calls from several people asking for suggestions for activities that can be easily done at home with those in various stages of cognitive decline. Based on our six years of experience of visiting our dear friends, we’ve found that MUSIC is something that brings joy to everyone involved.  It takes very little preparation, and there are many ways to share music with everyone in the household.

SING ALONG TO FAVORITE SONGS

Do you remember watching TV in the early 1960’s to a program called “Sing Along with Mitch” and watching the bouncing ball as it traveled across the words of the song flashed on the bottom of the screen?  Our family did that, and everyone enjoyed it.  You can still do that, maybe minus the bouncing ball, but you get the idea.  (Or actually, you can find “Sing Along with Mitch” programs if you do a search on the internet.)  You don’t need Mitch…just be sure you select songs that are favorites of your “dear friend” or loved one, put on the music and watch what happens!  They will begin singing along, completely engaged in the activity.

Also, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Andy Williams, Perry Como….think back to the music of the 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and early 60’s for your choices.

DANCING

Who can resist a good beat?  We all love to clap, sway, tap our toes and even dance!

PLAY AN INSTRUMENT

If you are blessed with musical instruments, gather around and make some noise! We had fun playing Chopsticks at one of our visits several years ago and singing with our dear friend as she played the piano.

PERFORM TO PATRIOTIC MUSIC

Put on some upbeat patriotic music and march or wave flags.

There are many ways to incorporate music into your daily routine and, when you do,  you’ll soon find yourself on the “Sunny Side of the Street.”

 

Lady-Links… bringing sunshine with them even as they shelter at home.

 

 

 

 

We’ve seen some stormy days this spring haven’t we?  Figuratively and literally, but it is the former that is causing the most concern.  Yes, we’re in the midst of  the worst “storm” in recent history, a world-wide pandemic caused by the coronavirus.  As Lady-Links, part of what factors into our storm is that we are unable to visit our dear friends because of our Shelter in Place restrictions. We miss them and our Lady-Links partners, and we are disappointed that we can’t enjoy engaging in activities together.  Yet, we know it is necessary to postpone our visits until this storm passes and the sun comes out once again.

In the meantime, while the storm continues to linger, we are staying in contact through cards, notes, emails, phone calls and video chats.  We are encouraging and positive. We keep in contact with the families of our dear friends, letting them know that we look forward to resuming our visits as soon as possible.

We are certain that one day the clouds will part, the sun will shine through and a rainbow will appear.  The storm will be over and our Lady-Links will once again bring love and laughter into the lives of one another and of our dear friends. Until then, stay safe and healthy as we weather this storm.

Lady-Links is organized around the idea that being a friend is meaningful in many ways.

We’re not alone in this thought.  Just think of  TV shows organized around friendships, and you’ll probably think of two of the most popular classic ones:

Friends – The show aired on NBC running for 10 seasons from 1994 – 2004 and involved a group of friends who always stood by each other regardless of circumstances.

Cheers – Airing from 1982 – 1993 on NBC with the theme song catch phrase “Where everybody knows your name.”  In other words, these weren’t merely acquaintances…they were people who cared enough about one another to know each person’s name and something about them.

However, Friends and Cheers aren’t real.  They were just the results of the creative genius of their originators; a form of entertainment that kept audiences watching season after season because the shows represented the type of lives we wanted…a way to have meaningful relationships on a consistent basis.

The Lady-Links program is real. We  visit real people (Dear Friends) who are in various stages of cognitive decline, engaging them in activities they enjoy and can successfully complete.  Just like our TV ideals, we stand by our dear friends in good times and in difficult times but unlike our TV counterparts,  we know much more than just their names.  We bring encouragement, support and inspiration to our visits and engage our dear friends in cognitive and emotional stimulation benefiting them in areas of enhanced mental and physical health.

The Lady-Links have been making friendship visits to their Dear Friends since we were organized in 2013 and it works! The families of our dear friends are generous with their praise and support of our program because they see the difference it makes in the lives of their loved ones.

We’re thankful to have the opportunity to share with real people in real places and to know that our love and laughter enhances real people’s lives in real and meaningful ways.  Cheers to our Friends we call Dear Friends!  And that’s for real!

 

You know what question I’m going to ask you, don’t you?  Of course you do, because you’ve heard it a thousand times before…how do you see the glass?  Is it half-empty or half-full?  The answer, we were told by our mothers and grandmothers, depends on how we look at life.

Would you believe that Martha Washington probably asked her children the same question? Well, maybe not the exact question about the glass, but perhaps something similar.  Here’s a quote that’s been attributed to Martha and, as you read it, think about all the hardships she went through during the French and Indian War and the American Revolution, all while being a significant part of establishing a new country.

I’m not a qualified historian, but I do have my opinion that Martha would fall into the “half-full” camp.  So, with Martha on my side, let the Lady-Links offer some advice to those with friends and loved ones who have Alzheimer’s or some other type of dementia.  Here’s how to make the most of any situation:

focus on what you can do…not on what you can’t.

It’s really the “half-full” approach.  We look at things with a positive attitude.  Not only do we know that the glass contains something, but there’s room to add more!  And the more socialization we can add to the lives of our dear friends and loved ones, chances are the more they will engage in activities that are beneficial to them.

Here’s some ideas to keep that glass “full.” 

Work on a craft together – Make sure your dear friend/loved one has a part which is easy to handle and place.

Sing or listen to music together – Make sure the songs are familiar to your dear friend/loved one.

Tell a story or read a short passage from a book – Focus on the main plot, keeping them engaged with questions like, “What do you think will happen next?”

Select something to show and tell about – Make it something that would interest your dear friend/loved one and is safe for them to touch and handle.

Play a game – Make it fun and simplify the rules as needed.

The Lady-Links believe that engaging our dear friends during our visits in something they enjoy makes a great difference in their mood and sense of well-being.  We strive to make the best of every situation by finding things they can do and making adjustments as the disease progresses.   I think Martha would have made a great addition to our Lady-Links team!

Recently five ladies received their Lady-Links pins recognizing them for their achievements in our program of making friendship visits to women in various stages of cognitive decline (we call them dear friends) who live in our retirement community.  To receive a pin, each Lady-Link has to have completed three training sessions on information related to Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, with application on how to practically apply what she’s learned to successfully engaging a dear friend during a visit. In addition, she must complete six months of active participation in our friendship visits to her assigned dear friend partnered with experienced Lady-Links.  Our pinning ceremony recognized each new Lady-Link for her compassion, dedication, and devotion to helping her dear friend maintain important links in her life.

Our pins are designed to represent our slogan “Lady-Links: Linking Love, Laughter, and Life.”

At our Lady-Links visits we engage our dear friends in activities that help preserve skills by keeping them involved in social relationships.  As a result, a dear friend’s life is enriched in areas of trust, self-esteem and social interaction because we give plenty of positive feedback.  We smile, we laugh, we compliment, and we encourage.  We look at what our dear friends can do rather than what they can’t do. All this is centered around love, because we love our dear friends and we love what we do!

Each Lady-Link is assigned to a team to visit a dear friend.  Currently we have 52 Lady-Links, divided into teams that visit seven dear friends.  For our pinning ceremony, team members of our newest pinned Lady-Links were there to add support and encouragement.

Families of our dear friends are generous with their praise for Lady-Links.  They notice better social skills, improved mood, and an increase in their loved one’s quality of life.  Congratulations to our newest “pinned” Lady-Links!