Lady-Links began in 2013 with one idea…how to help a woman in our retirement community diagnosed with Alzheimer’s enjoy the company of a few friends on a regular basis, engaging in activities that she enjoyed and could successfully complete. Two things had to be in place for this idea to be workable:
- Commitment – Find women who would make a commitment to visiting her (this involved training to learn about Alzheimer’s).
- Connections – Find a way to connect with her.
We found several women who were willing to make that commitment and after a few training sessions, we were set to begin our visits. We found that our best approach to making a connection with her was over two things her husband told us she really enjoyed…coffee and chocolate!
Soon we found other ways to connect…she loves elephants…so we worked on crafts with an elephant theme.
Working one of the elephant puppets she made to give to area children.
Then we found something else she enjoyed….dancing.
And music.
And more chocolate!
In fact, the more we got to know her, the more ways we could connect.
Our start as Lady-Links came because of her husband’s concern expressed to me in a conversation after a Bible Study that we attended. He explained that his wife was unable to reach out and make friends in this new community where they recently moved. She needed some help. That concern stayed in my mind for three days. On the third day, during a devotional and prayer time, I felt the Lord assuring me that I could help her make some friendship connections. I contacted several caring and loving women in our community to ask if they would like to form a friendship group with this new resident who had a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. Thankfully, they said “yes” and after some planning sessions and training, Lady-Links came into existence.
We called ourselves Lady-Links because we were ladies helping her to “link” to important aspects of her life…intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual areas…that are certain to decline with a progressive, neurological disease like Alzheimer’s. Our dear friend was reserved during our first few visits, but soon “linked” to us as friends, and subsequent visits were filled with plenty of love and laughter. Our visits were fun and we all enjoyed them!
People in our retirement community were quick to notice a change in our dear friend. After we began our visits, she became much more outgoing…making eye contact, engaging in conversation, and expressing interest in things around her even when out and about in our community. Soon other husbands of wives with cognitive decline began asking that we visit their wives as well.
At that point, we had grown to thirteen Lady-Links visiting our one dear friend. We knew that our methods worked and that the idea for the foundation of Lady-Links was successful. We seemed to have some unique procedures:
- making visits to one dear friend at a time (not working with a group)
- engaging her in specific things of interest to her (finding out what she liked and enjoyed prior to her diagnosis…not just choosing any activity that any Alzheimer’s patient could do)
- visiting her in her apartment where she felt secure (not in a common activities area)
- identifying with her as friends who want to have fun (we are not teachers, caregivers or social workers)
- training and preparing for our visits (all Lady-Links have extensive training that helps in communication and expectations).
To explain our Lady-Links program to others, we didn’t want to use the name of the resident we were visiting so we called her our “dear friend.” That has remained as an important part of our procedure when speaking in public or writing about Lady-Links…the ladies we visit are referred to as dear friends. The ladies doing the visiting are Lady-Links.
Since our beginning, we have visited numerous dear friends and our group has grown to include 53 Lady-Links.
We will always remember our first dear friend and are thankful that our visits brought so much joy, both to her and to us. We had a great beginning and look forward to continuing to bring love and laughter into the lives of many more dear friends in the future.
I want to thank all the Lady-Link ladies who participated in working with Joyce Dempsey for over 2 years. She always enjoyed the time spent and remembered it — for a time. Although she didn’t remember names, whenever she was at the “work” area making things for the people in Fountain View she was happy and, quite often, singing old songs she remembered. Many thanks to all of you!!
Gordon, thank you for your thoughtful comments. Your wife was such a special dear friend to us. We are thankful to have had the opportunity to spend time with her. She brought so much joy into our lives! We miss her.
As the husband of the very first ‘dear friend,’ I cannot say enough positive words about how much Lady-links meant to my wife during the last 5 years of her life. They brought so much love, laughter and joy into her life. As a full time caregiver when they began, Lady-links provided me the needed respite so I could take care of necessary tasks and time for a restful break. However, as time went by, I learned that they were having so much fun, I could hardly leave!
Five years later, when she passed away from Alzheimer’s, six of her loyal Lady-links were still by her side.
Lady-links become a family centered around their ‘dear friend’. I’m honored to be in their family. Even today, many of my best friends are Lady-links! Thank you, Lady-links!
Jim, what an amazing journey with you and your sweet wife, our very first dear friend. Without her, there would be no Lady-Links. Yes, we were and still are like family. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement. Such precious memories!