Lady Links

We’ve seen some stormy days this spring haven’t we?  Figuratively and literally, but it is the former that is causing the most concern.  Yes, we’re in the midst of  the worst “storm” in recent history, a world-wide pandemic caused by the coronavirus.  As Lady-Links, part of what factors into our storm is that we are unable to visit our dear friends because of our Shelter in Place restrictions. We miss them and our Lady-Links partners, and we are disappointed that we can’t enjoy engaging in activities together.  Yet, we know it is necessary to postpone our visits until this storm passes and the sun comes out once again.

In the meantime, while the storm continues to linger, we are staying in contact through cards, notes, emails, phone calls and video chats.  We are encouraging and positive. We keep in contact with the families of our dear friends, letting them know that we look forward to resuming our visits as soon as possible.

We are certain that one day the clouds will part, the sun will shine through and a rainbow will appear.  The storm will be over and our Lady-Links will once again bring love and laughter into the lives of one another and of our dear friends. Until then, stay safe and healthy as we weather this storm.

Lady-Links is organized around the idea that being a friend is meaningful in many ways.

We’re not alone in this thought.  Just think of  TV shows organized around friendships, and you’ll probably think of two of the most popular classic ones:

Friends – The show aired on NBC running for 10 seasons from 1994 – 2004 and involved a group of friends who always stood by each other regardless of circumstances.

Cheers – Airing from 1982 – 1993 on NBC with the theme song catch phrase “Where everybody knows your name.”  In other words, these weren’t merely acquaintances…they were people who cared enough about one another to know each person’s name and something about them.

However, Friends and Cheers aren’t real.  They were just the results of the creative genius of their originators; a form of entertainment that kept audiences watching season after season because the shows represented the type of lives we wanted…a way to have meaningful relationships on a consistent basis.

The Lady-Links program is real. We  visit real people (Dear Friends) who are in various stages of cognitive decline, engaging them in activities they enjoy and can successfully complete.  Just like our TV ideals, we stand by our dear friends in good times and in difficult times but unlike our TV counterparts,  we know much more than just their names.  We bring encouragement, support and inspiration to our visits and engage our dear friends in cognitive and emotional stimulation benefiting them in areas of enhanced mental and physical health.

The Lady-Links have been making friendship visits to their Dear Friends since we were organized in 2013 and it works! The families of our dear friends are generous with their praise and support of our program because they see the difference it makes in the lives of their loved ones.

We’re thankful to have the opportunity to share with real people in real places and to know that our love and laughter enhances real people’s lives in real and meaningful ways.  Cheers to our Friends we call Dear Friends!  And that’s for real!

 

You know what question I’m going to ask you, don’t you?  Of course you do, because you’ve heard it a thousand times before…how do you see the glass?  Is it half-empty or half-full?  The answer, we were told by our mothers and grandmothers, depends on how we look at life.

Would you believe that Martha Washington probably asked her children the same question? Well, maybe not the exact question about the glass, but perhaps something similar.  Here’s a quote that’s been attributed to Martha and, as you read it, think about all the hardships she went through during the French and Indian War and the American Revolution, all while being a significant part of establishing a new country.

I’m not a qualified historian, but I do have my opinion that Martha would fall into the “half-full” camp.  So, with Martha on my side, let the Lady-Links offer some advice to those with friends and loved ones who have Alzheimer’s or some other type of dementia.  Here’s how to make the most of any situation:

focus on what you can do…not on what you can’t.

It’s really the “half-full” approach.  We look at things with a positive attitude.  Not only do we know that the glass contains something, but there’s room to add more!  And the more socialization we can add to the lives of our dear friends and loved ones, chances are the more they will engage in activities that are beneficial to them.

Here’s some ideas to keep that glass “full.” 

Work on a craft together – Make sure your dear friend/loved one has a part which is easy to handle and place.

Sing or listen to music together – Make sure the songs are familiar to your dear friend/loved one.

Tell a story or read a short passage from a book – Focus on the main plot, keeping them engaged with questions like, “What do you think will happen next?”

Select something to show and tell about – Make it something that would interest your dear friend/loved one and is safe for them to touch and handle.

Play a game – Make it fun and simplify the rules as needed.

The Lady-Links believe that engaging our dear friends during our visits in something they enjoy makes a great difference in their mood and sense of well-being.  We strive to make the best of every situation by finding things they can do and making adjustments as the disease progresses.   I think Martha would have made a great addition to our Lady-Links team!

Recently five ladies received their Lady-Links pins recognizing them for their achievements in our program of making friendship visits to women in various stages of cognitive decline (we call them dear friends) who live in our retirement community.  To receive a pin, each Lady-Link has to have completed three training sessions on information related to Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, with application on how to practically apply what she’s learned to successfully engaging a dear friend during a visit. In addition, she must complete six months of active participation in our friendship visits to her assigned dear friend partnered with experienced Lady-Links.  Our pinning ceremony recognized each new Lady-Link for her compassion, dedication, and devotion to helping her dear friend maintain important links in her life.

Our pins are designed to represent our slogan “Lady-Links: Linking Love, Laughter, and Life.”

At our Lady-Links visits we engage our dear friends in activities that help preserve skills by keeping them involved in social relationships.  As a result, a dear friend’s life is enriched in areas of trust, self-esteem and social interaction because we give plenty of positive feedback.  We smile, we laugh, we compliment, and we encourage.  We look at what our dear friends can do rather than what they can’t do. All this is centered around love, because we love our dear friends and we love what we do!

Each Lady-Link is assigned to a team to visit a dear friend.  Currently we have 52 Lady-Links, divided into teams that visit seven dear friends.  For our pinning ceremony, team members of our newest pinned Lady-Links were there to add support and encouragement.

Families of our dear friends are generous with their praise for Lady-Links.  They notice better social skills, improved mood, and an increase in their loved one’s quality of life.  Congratulations to our newest “pinned” Lady-Links!

At our Lady-Links visits with our dear friends, those ladies in various stages of cognitive decline, we’ve found that playing cards is a great way to stay mentally and socially active.  Mixing a brain-stimulating activity with love and laughter has many benefits, both for our dear friends and for the Lady-Links.

When we play card games, we focus on the fun of the game.  We play by the rules but we don’t make winning the priority.  Winning simply means that you start the next round of play.

What we do focus on are the connections to benefits that playing card games such as Uno can bring:

• Social Connections
• Memory Connections
• Brain-stimulating Connections

SOCIAL CONNECTIONS

• Fun with friends as we enjoy a pleasant activity together.
• An outlet for promoting conversation.

MEMORY CONNECTIONS

• Reminiscing about who taught us to play cards when we were children. (A grandmother is the most common answer.)
• First card game we learned.  (Battle/War or Go Fish are two popular answers.)
• Holding, dealing, shuffling and playing the cards usually  jogs a related memory.

BRAIN-STIMULATING CONNECTIONS

• Keeps the mind active.
• Boosts concentration.
• Promotes hand-eye coordination and tactile stimulation.
• Improves recall of numbers and colors, direction of play, and rules.

Enjoying a card game with our dear friends is a delightful way to spend time together, plus the benefits are plentiful.  With lots of added love and laughter, this makes for a positive interaction for everyone involved.

We enjoy celebrating patriotic holidays with our dear friends, those ladies in our retirement community who are in various stages of cognitive decline.  Recently, we prepared crafts that reflected our nation’s commitment to honor our presidents.  Historically, the recognition focused on our first president, George Washington, with a federal holiday designated on his birthday, February 22.  In 1971 the date was moved to  the third Monday of February and current thinking is to honor all presidents, both past and present.

We’ve celebrated Presidents’ Day the last several years with crafts, activities and parties, and it’s always a joy to see the smiles on the faces of the Lady-Links and their dear friends as we talk about the privilege we have of living in America.

Much of our sharing involves family, faith, food, and fun as well as stories about our favorite presidents and our favorite first ladies.  One of our Lady-Links was in the second grade when President Harry Truman made a stop in her hometown.  He came up behind her and pulled her pigtails! She was used to boys pulling her pigtails, but never a president!!!

We remember speeches, picnics, and flags flying high.  A few of our dear friends remember the first president ever to receive their vote.  Some of our dear friends have visited Washington D.C. and can share memories about visits there, especially when prompted with open-ended questions. Our patriotic themed visits always bring an abundance of smiles from both Lady-Links and our dear friends!

 

Lady-Links:  Where the Smiles Never Stop

 

The Lady-Links love to have fun with their dear friends, those ladies in various stages of cognitive decline.  Preparations for special events or holidays always provide opportunities for good times, and Mardi Gras is no exception!  One of the things that our retirement community does in concurrence with Mardi Gras  is to make available a space for everyone to create masks, hats, and other decorations to use in the celebration.

For most residents, this is no problem, with lots of choices available adding to the fun. However, for those with dementia, too many choices in a room with lots of noise and activity can be overwhelming.  That’s where the Lady-Links come in!

We wanted our dear friend to have all the fun of decorating a hat but without becoming confused in the process.  Here’s how we did it.

• We limited the choices by selecting the hat, three colors of feathers, two types of flowers, a few coins and beads.
• We brought those items to a quiet location, away from the room where the rest of the activity was occurring.
• We categorized the decorations into groups and allowed our dear friend to show us where she wanted them placed.
• We dabbed a spot of glue on the hat and helped her place the item she chose.

The result was totally her creation….we just managed to make it possible!

Any holiday celebration can be managed so that your loved one or friend with dementia can participate and enjoy the activities.  Management is the key word.

• Manage the location:  make it quiet.
• Manage the supplies:  limit the choices.
• Manage the skill level: make it easy for her to do as much as possible.
• Manage the time: keep it short for maximum engagement and participation.

Mardi Gras Fun

Lady-Links:  Enriching Lives through Love and Laughter

As Lady-Links, we visit dear friends in our community.  A dear friend is someone who is in cognitive decline, including anything from short-term memory loss to a full diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or some similar type of dementia.  We’re in our seventh year of visiting dear friends, and we’ve learned how to have a visit that is successful, both for our dear friend and for us as Lady-Links.

In our training sessions for those ladies who wish to become Lady-Links, we have information that we give them regarding what to do during the visit with a dear friend.  We call these the four C’s of the Visit:

Cheerful – smile

Conversation – positive

Childhood Memories – always a good topic

Conclusion – Give a “warning” that the visit is about to end.

1.  Cheerful

Always smile from the moment you walk in to the moment you leave.  A smile makes our dear friends feel relaxed and confident that the visit will be pleasant.

2.  Conversation – keep it positive

Yes, there are things going on in the world that are of concern, but a Lady-Links visit is not the time to discuss world affairs.  Keep the conversation positive and encouraging. Focus on the activity, not the outside world.

3.  Childhood Memories – always a good topic

Let the project or the activity inspire conversation.  We’ve learned that “first (memories) in are last out” from our training with the Alzheimer’s Association.  In other words, your early childhood memories are some of the last to leave your memory.  Talk about things you did as a child.  We’ve found great topics of conversation to include

• things our mothers taught us (how to cook or sew)
• items of clothing we wore (hats, gloves, dresses)
• chores we did as kids (dusting, sweeping, washing or drying dishes)
• things we did in elementary school (recess activities, special activities such as decorating Valentines’s boxes and Valentine card exchanges)
• toys we played with or games we played (dolls,Tinker Toys,  jacks, Red Rover, Mother May I, “playing outside until dark when the street lights came on” )
• our neighborhoods (riding bikes or playing hop scotch with neighbors)

Conclude the visit with a warning

Have fun during the visit with lots of love and laughter.  But when the hour is almost up, give some kind of warning such as “well this has been so much fun but we only have time for one more …(story, game, activity, craft, etc.).  Let them know that the visit is about to come to an end.  Reinforce the idea that there will be another visit next time (next week) but today’s visit is about to come to a conclusion.

Say good-bye and let them know how much the visit has meant to you.

In our training sessions, we practice how to have a successful visit using the 4 C’s, and we look for ways to assure our dear friends that we are their friends forever. This type of assurance brings comfort and security to our dear friends who know that they have friends who care.  This is also very comforting to the families of our dear friends to know that we are in partnership with them to bring joy into their loved ones lives as long as is possible.

As a result, there are benefits for the spouse or family of our dear friends such as knowing that a team of ladies sincerely care about their loved one and are devoted to bringing love and laughter to help enrich their lives.

Lady-Links: Linking Love, Laughter, and Life

There’s lots of love to go around at our Lady-Links visits!  We love what we’re doing, we love our dear friends, and we love spending time with our Lady-Links partners.  Plus, we love to give away the crafts that we make to those who might need a little “love” in their lives!

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to make cute projects that will spread love wherever they are distributed. Each Lady-Link contributes to the assembling of these crafts and in helping our dear friend have a significant role in the project too.

Love brings joy into our lives in many ways.  It’s always a blessing to share love and find joy as a result!

Lady-Links:  Enriching Lives with Love and Laughter

We have fun at our Lady-Links visits with our dear friends who are in various stages of cognitive decline. We choose activities for our visits that they enjoy and that will promote a feeling of well-being.  This type of interaction (friends doing something enjoyable together) or socialization( as it is officially defined) is very important for all of us, but especially for those who have Alzheimer’s or other similar types of dementia.  Plus it’s fun!

Some authorities in the field of Alzheimer’s say that social interaction is like exercise for the brain and can slow symptoms including deteriorating memory.  We agree.  The more we visit, the more our dear friends engage in what we’re doing including conversation.  We want them to feel a sense of inclusiveness and belonging, and our activities are chosen with that in mind.

The Lady-Links make every effort to involve our dear friends in assembling a craft by working together to complete it.  As we work, we let the craft inspire conversation that we think will spark a memory for our dear friend.

Often our crafts have a patriotic theme because we have several patriotic holidays.  Looking at the craft, we relate memories that involve the flag, stars, and the red, white and blue color pattern.  We share memories of saying the Pledge of Allegiance when we were in school and singing our national anthem. Some of us have stories to share involving parades, fireworks, and parties.  Once a Lady-Link shares a memory, our dear friends are prompted to share something similar.  This type of conversation (with prompts) has been successful, and the families of our dear friends are amazed that their loved ones respond so well.

Lady-Links visits help our dear friends continue to find joy in friendship when that is becoming more and more difficult as their disease progresses.  This “exercise for the brain” is a tremendous benefit of the social interaction process because it helps our dear friends  engage in conversation and feel a significant part of a group experience. Socialization is important for all of us (including the Lady-Links) and is part of a healthy lifestyle.  Plus we have fun!!!  (Did I already say that?   Well, it’s worth repeating!) We have fun!

Lady-Links:  Enriching Lives through Love and Laughter