Lady Links

Laughter is often described as “good for the soul” and as a “good medicine.” Lady-Links find that laughter during our visits to our dear friends with dementia is a way to connect…to link to shared memories and events that we once enjoyed.

 Some of our visits involve completing craft projects, and it is during those times that our conversation becomes sprinkled with laughter as we take off on “tangents” that the craft inspires.

For example, as we’re assembling this project we talk about how it looks like a traffic stoplight.

It’s supposed to look like a traffic stoplight, so that’s good that we can identify it as such even though it has a faith based message.

Stop – and listen to God

Slow – make time for God

Go – God’s way everyday

After we talk about the meaningful message of this craft (which, by the way, will be given to our community Pastoral Ministries Director to distribute during Sunday afternoon vespers service), we follow the tangent of traffic….to what kind of cars our parents had when we were kids…to when we were teenagers learning to drive and finally to crazy adventures we or others had when we were driving.

We laugh as we identify ourselves as a “Ford family” or a “Buick family” or a “Chevrolet Family” and someone else says “me too” or “no way!”  We laugh as we remember close calls we had as teen drivers or driving adventures we had that we were glad our parents didn’t find out about! We laughed when one of us told the story of a relative who didn’t have a drivers license who was so hungry for a hamburger that she “borrowed” the family car, went to the local drive-through burger joint and ran into the side of it knocking the entire drive-through part down.  The owner of that burger joint was a family friend who (after damages were financially covered) offered to home-deliver a hamburger anytime this person wanted it if they would only promise never to drive to their place again!!!

Laughter from conversation tangents is by far “the best medicine” ever and is easily and freely dispensed at our Lady-Links visits.

It was Walt Disney (according to the internet) who said,

“Laughter is timeless.

Imagination has no age.

And Dreams are forever.”

The Lady-Links would certainly agree with Walt because we find that our dear friends (who have such difficulty in the daily tasks that dementia forces upon them) can still laugh, imagine and dream when we get together for a visit.

 

 

When Lady-Links make visits, they want to engage their dear friends in activities that will stimulate conversation about pleasant memories.  Sometimes this is done with crafts or games.  However for some of our dear friends, the best way to stimulate interaction is through an activity we call “Show and Tell.”

Bringing a picture or the actual object about something we think will interest our dear friend is a way to help her make connections to a similar experience from her past.

Show and Tell is fun for the Lady-Links as well as for our dear friends.  It is an opportunity to learn something about our pasts, find connections, and engage in meaningful, delightful conversation.

This type of activity allows us to engage in storytelling, something we all enjoy.  Each object has a story behind it, and we find that these stories strengthen friendships, encourage bonding, and activate cognitive information that may have not been accessed for a while but is still there.

We have found it best to keep the stories short and simple, including only a few details and descriptive words. We always try to think of a specific way that our dear friend might have done something similar to what we’re sharing in our story.  Then we help her make those connections by using open-ended questions, usually about her childhood, and prompting her with any clues she needs to contribute to the conversation.

We all have stories to tell and objects that would represent those stories.  Why not use the Show and Tell method to share some of your stories with your friends or loved ones with dementia? They would benefit from it and so would you!

Celebrating special holidays with friends or loved ones with dementia requires some modifications, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be fun.  At our Lady-Links visits, we find activities that represent the meaning of each holiday but we avoid the stress that sometimes comes with holiday preparation.

For the Fourth of July, we always look for crafts that represent patriotism and the spirit of the birth of America.  We talk about how we celebrated as children with sparklers, parades, picnics and watching fireworks at night.

We engage our dear friends by letting them complete the parts of the craft that are easy to assemble.  Any small detail or difficult work is done by one of the Lady-Links.

With the summer heat, most of our dear friends prefer to stay inside.  That’s why making crafts is such an enjoyable and practical way to celebrate the Fourth of July.

We’ve also found that singing patriotic songs, waving flags, making decorations, and eating specially decorated treats adds to the festivities.

 

A Fourth of July celebration, with a few modifications, is a wonderful way to make your friends or loved ones with dementia feel a part of a special event.

 

Words are powerful, whether spoken or written.  At our Lady-Links visits with our dear friends with dementia, we are careful to use words in a positive, encouraging way including in the games we play.

Lady-Links play Scrabble each week with a dear friend in the Memory Care unit of our retirement community.This is enjoyable for all of us, including our dear friend with Alzheimer’s who requested that our visits include a game or two of Scrabble.  She has played it for years, starting when she was young and has retained the ability to put the letters together to form words quite easily.

When we play Scrabble with her, we modify the game slightly.  We don’t count the number on the board on which the tile is placed.  In other words, all we do is just make words; we don’t score the value of each letter of that word.  The first one to use all her tiles is the winner.  But winning the game isn’t what brings us joy….it is the conversation that is sparked by the words we create.

Each word represents a memory in someone’s mind.  We take our time to share past experiences about the word when it is placed on the board.  On this particular game, we laughed about pets we had when we were children.  We talked about how hens lay eggs and some of us actually have gathered the eggs from the nest.  We discussed our favorite soup, foods we like to eat, and chores we had as children such as using a mop.

Words that inspire conversation of pleasant memories are what we call “winning words.”  This type of interaction is enjoyable and helps with socialization, cognition and emotional stimulation, all of which are beneficial.

What “winning words” can you use with your friends and loved ones with dementia?  Whatever word you choose, if it engages them in positive interaction then you have chosen correctly!

How does one get from Point A to Point B?  Regardless of who you are or what you’re doing, planning promotes success.  That’s the way it is with the Lady-Links visits to our dear friends who have some type of cognitive decline.  We plan for those things that can use structure, then we spontaneously improvise at each visit to make those structured things work.

The planning starts with each Lady-Link being given training on how to best communicate with those who have some type of dementia. Next, each Lady-Link selects a dear friend she would like to visit, then she schedules those visits.

Activities are selected with each individual dear friend in mind.

Some enjoy crafts, others enjoy games or a show and tell activity.

Each visit is carefully planned but with the understanding that love and laughter are the most important parts….and that happens spontaneously!

The end result is success….our dear friends feel valued, loved, and appreciated in a social setting that might not otherwise occur, and our Lady-Links enjoy having fun while adding meaning to both their lives and the lives of their dear friend.

Lady-Links enjoy sharing activities and conversation with our dear friends who have various types of cognitive decline.

Preparation and planning are components of any successful visit.

Here’s two things to keep in mind so that you can look forward to “Good Times with Friends” when you visit someone with cognitive decline.

1.  Have a planned activity.

2.  Let the activity inspire conversation.

That way, the dear friend has something to see and touch to help give her clues about the topic of discussion.

For example, this “Hello Spring” craft has flowers and raindrops.

Providing visual (seeing it) stimulation and kinesthetic (touching it) stimulation help facilitate memories of related activities, especially those that occurred in childhood.   While doing this craft, we have shared memories and events about spring activities, such as holding umbrellas in the rain, splashing in rain puddles, and picking flowers.

Everyone has a good time at our visits.

Lady-Links…bringing love, laughter and “Good Times” to each visit with our dear friends.

Lady-Links hope to inform anyone who will listen that our dear friends with dementia can benefit from engaging in meaningful activities.  To get the “message” out, we write for several publications, maintain a blog website, speak to groups when invited, and recruit volunteers to be a part of our organization.

Our “method” is simple….We are friends visiting friends with dementia or any type of cognitive decline. engaging them in activities that will add meaning, value and joy to their lives.  Sometimes we work on crafts, sometimes we have “show and tell”  and sometimes we play games, bake cookies or dance.

Our “method” is easily duplicated and we hope that this blog will inspire you to visit your friends or loved ones with dementia and try some of our ideas.  Please scroll through our past posts to get plenty of ideas for starting your own group.  You will find a double blessing…you will bring joy to someone’s life and you will enjoy the time you spend with that person too!

Our dear friends with dementia deserve to continue to have meaning in their lives, just as you and I do.  The only difference is that we as their friends and loved ones need to help provide opportunities for them that will foster feelings of achieving what matters to them in life.

After coordinating and/or making visits for over 4 years to a number of ladies who are diagnosed with one of the types of dementia (Alzheimer’s is the type most of the ladies we visit have), I have found that our dear friends with dementia want two things:

1.  They want to feel loved.

2.  They want to feel like they can still contribute something worthwhile to society.

To feel loved, they need to feel secure in their surroundings and appreciated for who they are.   They feel safe and secure in familiar surroundings doing things they can successfully accomplish.  Our dear friends can play Scrabble, card games and the piano, and they can bake cookies.   Now, they may not know whose turn it is or how to keep score or where their music is or how to measure ingredients, but we work behind the scenes to help get everything ready and give clues about how to proceed.  They can accomplish these things because the activities are something they did as a child or a young adult and their brains can still pull up those long time memories. We combine plenty of encouraging words, smiles, and hugs with the activities that we do, helping them feel loved and appreciated.

To feel like they are contributing something to society, they need to be able to give something back.  At our visits we have made crafts to distribute to other residents in our community.  Our dear friends feel like they are a part of a team who gives something worthwhile to someone else.  As a result, they feel like they are still playing a valuable role in meeting the needs of others.  They feel like they are “givers” and not just “takers.”

They help make craft projects that encourage those in our community who are sick or need a cheerful reminder that someone cares about them.  Our friends with dementia understand that “helping others” gives them a sense of purpose which leads to a meaningful life.

 

Making crafts to give away:

Our dear friends are just that….dear, precious ladies with whom we have formed bonds of friendship.  Our lives are rich with meaning just by being with them. It is a blessing that is shared among the dear friend we are visiting and with each Lady-Link who is making the visit.  A great way to add meaning to all our lives.

Our dear friends with dementia aren’t left out of enjoying the fun activities associated with Fall.  During our Lady-Links visits, we enjoy working together to make crafts with a fall theme and engaging our dear friends in conversations about memories associated with this season.

We make sure that our dear friends can actively participate in the craft making.  Often that means some preparation before the visit.  We can complete the sections that require detailed work, allowing our dear friends to add the bigger parts which are easier to handle.  We also use craft pieces with self-stick adhesive rather than glue.  It is much easier to “peel and stick” than to handle a bottle of glue.  Our dear friends feel successful and enjoy being on a team to produce such delightful seasonal projects.

We give away our fall crafts to residents in our retirement community, bringing joy to the giver and the receiver alike!  If you have a loved one or friend with dementia, why don’t you look for some of the fall themed craft kits at a local hobby store or shop online?  They are fun to do and will bring such pleasure to everyone involved!

 

How would you describe hope?  As Lady-Links, we believe hope means that something good that hasn’t happened yet will happen one day.  We know that a cure for Alzheimer’s and other related types of dementia will be discovered. We hope that it is soon.  That’s why each year we participate in an event to raise money for the necessary research that will lead to such a cure.  And we do so with hope and joy!

We rejoice that we have the opportunity to visit and engage our dear friends with dementia in activities that they find meaningful, and it brings us joy to be a part of an event that brings awareness to finding a cure. Hope and Joy!  The two go together as evidenced by the pictures below taken at our 2017 Highland Springs Walk for Alzheimer’s.

It was a wonderful event, filled with hope and joy, love and laughter, and the assurance that we are making a difference!